From a teaching persepctive at the June 02 Ten-day Intensive Retreat

We whirled. The group whirled really and I watched. It seemed short so I put on the La Illaha Ilallah tape…Then I got up and whirled with Mike and Aaron who were still going. It felt so relaxed. When I sat down again I sat so still. Nothing in me was galloping. Nothing was trying to escape or avoid. I was in the emptying darkness. The elongated twilight…Just still. Breathing.

I felt the heat and faint tingling – really more of a shimmering sensation – extend out from my heart center nearly down to my wrists and almost to my belly button. The largest radiating I’ve ever known. I sat enjoying this subtle and real fullness. The deep gloaming around echoed inside. The pleasure of inner life. Inner opening…The pulsing of delicate currents.

I want to say more about it yet there is not way to describe the complete-ness. How it was full and sheer. How I wanted nothing else. How sitting still in the almost dark with this feeling is as good as I can ever remember feeling. How if nothing else ever came to me it might be enough. How I was consumed but there was not angst, no intensity. Just ease. Fulfillment.

Will I ever be able to sustain this perfect nourishment? Will my life always be so absurd and unbalancing? Can I possibly be this centered in daily life? A retreat is so unlike any other time…Concentrated and pure…I need it. I need more of it. I also need to keep this understanding and reality of who/what/how I am.

©2001 Dunya Dianne McPherson