Watching the Invisible
I am finally allowed, post surgery, to submerge in water. Yesterday, my PT took place in the pool, my body moving fully, my tissues rousing from torpor. This morning I wake, my dreams forgotten but with the pleasurable feeling of having dreamt. When I have movement during my day, I dream at night, as if dreams coil in my body, waiting for the quiet of sleep to emerge. I snuggle under the covers, watching a soft sky above crowns of thinning, yellowed treetops, and savoring the departure of lost dreams, secretly glad they are lost because I don’t need more filigree cluttering my mind or flesh. In the basement, the furnace kicks on dispelling early day chill.
The sun, sprawling on the rug, ignites their colors and warms the floor which in turn creeps into the walls that then swell and creak. Swaddled in flannel and feathers, I gaze across the room. The invisible space between me and the far wall buzzes in my bones. The room is as full as an ocean. Not as dense of course, but teaming with spiraling motion. I breathe in and out and this pushes and pulls the air close to me. At length, that small engine of respiration eddies out to the edge of the bed. My breathing bumps into the room’s warm and cool layers, which have lain separate all night, stirring them into stripes and sweeps that begin to slowly whirl, sliding around the old pine desk and glass-front bookcase that have been—though they appear eternal—gently, gently decomposing for over 150 years.
I am alone. As I breathe, moving the room, I cherish solitude which offers me the possibility of living in my own organic flow. Time unmarked. To watch what is invisible. To discover my whirling breath. For any of us, these moments cost nothing. We have to give up whatever sucks us away, eating our minds and hearts.
My work and writing are sponsored by Dervish Society of America (DSA), a nonprofit 501-C3 organization dedicated to the Path of embodied mysticism. DSA provides opportunities for personal development, exploratory inquiry into embodied spirituality, and community connection through practice, service, and performance. DONATIONS are tax-deductible.