Sex & Spring Cleaning
As I was beginning on a spring cleanse, a friend wrote to me: I complete 7 years of celibacy this month—please have a cup of tea in honor of this milestone. After 7 years, I am free of all past lovers, and there is a definite boost to my energy.
All I could think was that we wash our hair a billion times but rarely consider clearing our sexual channels. I don’t think women, in particular, talk about this option much. Sexless-ness is hush-hush turf.
I used to think of time without sex as giving up a pleasure but perhaps, like giving up the pleasure of chocolate mud cake and goopy cheese, time off from sexual intimacy can be a revitalizing break for our energetic circuits. Let the body clean out, have a rest and find its easiest digestive ways.
In search of love, I spent two decades taking a succession of lovers (and a husband) into my body then acting as a filtration unit for their confusions and angers. It was quite exhausting. I realized I needed a break from partnership. I needed to be single for a while, but a script in my head and emotions urged me to hook up again, as if an unattached me wasn’t attractive or real. As if I was a loser. Having been taught to be sexually available, and not necessarily for my benefit or pleasure, I didn’t feel valid about taking time off for my body to clear. I spent a lot of time judging myself and not really feeling how I felt. And nothing in my world encouraged me to ask my body how she felt, no green light to simply let my body rest from lovers. I took the break anyway. During my Dancemeditation practice, I noticed my body’s unexpected, un-categorizable freedom. My body was happily unencumbered. She was mainlining something more spiritual at that time. Sex is not the answer for a spiritually bereft condition. Sure, it can be a palliative, but more often it’s like perfume masking a bad odor. It doesn’t remove the rotting smell or the thing that is rotten.
All spiritual paths include fasting from time to time in order to receive clarity about the self, about path, about the world. Fasting gives a moment away from the gnawing of appetites. It allows the body to recalibrate. A time away from sex is a fast, and it can be a feast of self-awareness.
There’s no should or shouldn’t here, rather there is a ‘could’. We could take time off if we want to and still be women, still be sensual women, alive women. We are still our own person which means our own body cleared of the imprint of others. Having a break allows our flesh to heal and our core being to find itself.
In the midst of spring cleaning, how does your body feel? Who is ‘in there’ with you?
If you like what you are reading, please join my list to get the monthly newsletter.
To get weekly blog notifications, put ‘blog list’ in the subject line: