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Coming Home: Letter to Kate

I sit in the Pine Grove a bit shocked by all the small purple flowers, tufts of long, tender grass, and feathery, ferny stems springing up from what was a dense, brittle carpet of pine needles when I departed. I am wading in shin-deep greenery! The ground is vaguely springy. The rainy-season has also brought along  other not-so-pleasant shifts—mosquitos. Surprise! There were never any mosquitos in all my prior years in New Mexico. I’m trying to wrack my brain for what good there might be in a mosquito…Now I have to put in screens or forfeit entirely the cool night breeze.

What stuns me is the quiet. The stillness. Of course the wind sings and the birds and insects make their diverse little chorus, but under all that infrequent music the land sits large and solid and silent. This is joy to me. I see a picture of my path—to be as connected to the large, solid, silent and enduring magnitude as possible and let the small movement around all that come and go.

Yesterday, as I was getting out my truck after moving two large plywood sheets, I looked up and saw a raven. It flew quite low, hovering over me with its legs hanging loosely down, talons half spread. It tipped and turned, a glowing blue-black spade, gently circling closer and closer. As it neared out came a soft gurgling. I’d never heard such a delicious sound. Then another, followed by a few light cracks, before it wafted away—the best welcome home I could ever have asked for. Its partner came along soon after and I haven’t seen them since. My ravens.

So I am home again at Ravenrock, waiting for all of me to arrive. Writing to you helps.

Much love to you ~

 

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    7 Comments
    1. connected to the large, solid, silent and enduring magnitude…..what poetry, what succinctness…..that’s it….what we search for so desperately….the great, solid, enduring connection…..keep writing!!!!!!!!!

      September 3, 2011
    2. Ellen #

      The raven reminds me of Klara’s last comment about you.
      As a child, you danced the part of the dove in Noah’s Ark.
      “Now,” she said, “she is the raven.”

      September 3, 2011
      • Geordie! I had totally forgotten. Thank you so much for this memory. You were always such a beautiful raven.

        September 4, 2011
    3. Mosquitos love me, but in a selfish way i can’t reciprocate. But they are not attracted to my wife, who can sit in our garden in shorts and no socks without getting bitten at all, whereas i always have to be covered up, why i don’t know. My greatest fear, though, is bedbugs, which would be a disaster for our apartment. Anyway, this year i put in the screens, and i suggest you do too.

      September 4, 2011
      • Ha ha about the non-reciprocal love! 🙂 And believe me my screens are up. I learned how to make them very quickly, being motivated.

        September 4, 2011
    4. scott elkin #

      Hi dunya….i too long for and appreciate the quietness of an evening when the days whirlwind has settled. Last night i could hear a gentle hum against the silence much water touching shore without overwhelming it. It allowed being present with both.

      Heart surgery was successful in its goal. Unintended consequences and iatrogenic injuries have been traumatizing and have required persistance and creativity to address, Many issues were either never recognized or missed completely.

      I was readmitted twice and cardioverted at each readmission and am grateful to be alive.

      i am going to an ENT specialist in san antonio in wed to see what i can do to resolve intubation issues and gastric acid reflux during surgery. Speech as a consdquence has been challenging and in relationship to work where voice is to me what dance and movement are to you has left me literally disabled.
      The steps i have taken have resulted in improvement and for small gains I am also grateful.
      Either as a consequence of post operative massive fluid overload or subsequent diuresis the surfactant that allows for transfer of oxygen at the level of the alveoli was washed out leaving me with a respiratory capacity of 30-40% less. I am now on an intermitant positive pressure breathing apparatus that is allowing a steroid mist to reach the lungs and reduce the inflammation. It is so amazing post treatments to have 4 hours of normal function and to be able to take a whole breath. I am using breathing apparatus’ during the day having restarted seeing patients in the last 48 hours, and working it in between sessions.

      I remember a conversation years ago when we talked about the importance of movement even in small increments and taking it to the boundary that one is capable of and observing . I continue to bring that to cardiac rehab with meditation and directed breathing while on treadmill and recumbent bicycle while wired to monitors.
      It provides for both relaxed focus and space to continue to expand.

      The whole process had been challenging. I am slowly getting better and it has been a wild ride.

      Warmest regards

      scott

      September 4, 2011
      • Scott, I wish so much I could hug you. It sounds a terrible struggle. You are such a deep soul, a person of spiritual intelligence. Yes, small movements. These are powerful prayers too. Love you much ~

        September 4, 2011

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