Continuing with ‘no pain’
As I continue w. ‘no pain’ focus in daily practice, I sometimes feel lost, foggy without those sharp edges to define the experience.
Pain has been the signal letting me know that I’ve reached the far extent of my sensory world. Pain has been my containment: I can go just ‘this far’ before it hurts. It is very definite. I know where it is. Pain is a strong message, and though it has many colors and dynamics — sharp, achy, round & thick, zing-y, hot, (there is a long interesting poem in that) — it is always indisputable. I obey immediately. I step back, but then re-approach, just to see if it is still there. Then I joust, turning back and going again, over and over, wallowing penitentially in this perimeter guardian.
To know where a world ends is comforting even when the messenger is unpleasant. With pain as my border guard making the reach of my movement clear, I have had my world comfortingly well-framed.
Painlessness on the other hand is vague. It is fog. It is mist. It is faint. Muffled. It doesn’t hurt, but where am I? It is this discomfort that challenges me now, even though my body, tired of a lifetime of flagellation, heaves a sigh of relief.